我的前半生

最近《我的前半生》这部剧很火,在朋友的推荐下。我也开启了追剧的步伐,加上自己最近遭遇的一些变故,看过之后感触颇深。写这篇文章不是想证明什么,就想为我逝去的这七年感情做个总结。

那年我们十七岁,处于懵懂无知情窦初开的年纪,我们相知相爱。虽然那时候我们懵懵懂懂,但我们开心的爱,欢乐的成长。我们会为了对方上课时回目一笑而开心,也会为了对方的突然不理睬而沮丧,新鲜、刺激而又甜蜜。

大学时代我们没有在同一所学校,两个城市的车站架起了我们爱的桥梁,我们乐此不疲的来回奔波,我们也渐渐的熟悉了对方所在的城市,把对方的学校也当作自己的母校。每天晚上在被窝里打电话说着情话,一打就是几个小时。为了给你准备生日小惊喜,花一个月时间亲手为你叠了99朵纸玫瑰。

毕业后,我们相互扶持,一起进步。15年她带我回家见了家长,因为家庭条件的原因,她父母不同意。她夹在当中受了很多委屈,也为我们做了很多事情。特别是生活上,她很多方面都比我做的好,很多时候都是她来照顾我。

我们从青涩一路走到成熟,或许说我是在我们分手后才真正的开始成熟起来。2017这一年,因为很多事情我们欠缺沟通,我们渐渐的失去了自我。特别是我得过且过,没有对未来有一个明确的规划,很多事情没能摆出自己的态度。这么多年,以为她强势我就表现弱势一点,自以为是的觉得这样能够互补。让她觉得很多事情出现后,都要自己想办法去解决,让她感觉没有依靠。作为女性不管是女强人还是小女人,她的内心深处都是希望能够有一个男人的肩旁可以依靠。

世事往往如此,想回头也已经来不及,即使你肯沦为劣马,也不一定有回头草在等着你。爱情虽然经历坎坷会使两人关系更加亲密、也会让这段爱情更加唯美。然而有时因为彼此的不信任会让你付出更多的代价。我们应该珍惜这段情。好好维护对方,因为幸福随时会在你不经意间悄然而逝。

当她突然提出来分手的那一刻我就明白了,酝酿了得有多久才敢说出心中所想。也许自己太懦弱,也许是自己的不上进,也许是自己的细节没注意到。也尝试了很多,想挽回这段感情,好像突然之间我身体里的一部分已经死掉了。不过又像是松了一口气,再也不用想自己应该如何努力才能换回她对我的微笑了。但是还是总会在夜深人静的夜晚突然惊醒,感觉是听到了她的呼唤,那么真实,却又那么不切实际。

生活中的一切都有她的影子,她用过的东西,她喜欢的电影,她爱听的音乐,她想去的地方。感觉她是你生命中的一部分,但现在被生生的挖去了。心碎了,空了一块,好像不能呼吸,好像伤口在流血。

酒精会麻痹你的痛苦,就像手术之后的止痛泵,又像垂死病人的强心剂。你很难归纳你自己的心情,你在酒桌上说了一大堆的豪言壮语,觉得你的生活里还有这么多的朋友,还有很多重要的事情可以填补爱情。可当酒局散了,胃里吐空了,人都走了。灯火阑珊的立交桥下,你还是孤独的自己。什么都没有变化,你在无数个有她的梦中惊醒,然后继续用酒精麻痹自己,逼自己重新睡去。你知道这是徒劳的,酒和梦终将都会醒过来。可你还是偏执的继续,你害怕清醒,害怕寂寞和空虚,更害怕想起她的脸,她的笑声和她说的那句爱你。

躲得过对酒当歌的夜,躲不过四下无人的街。回忆是把锋利的短剑,它把你的伤口一点点的剖开,让血和痛苦在周身蔓延。这个阶段会持续很长的时间,长到你无法想象,无法忍受,无法呼吸。寂寞是你最大的敌人,你害怕一个人走在路上,害怕所有煽情的东西。敏感和脆弱是你的代名词,这世上所有的一切,你都能曲里拐弯的联想到她,你无法逃避,她就像你的影子,在每个黄昏的时刻扼住你的咽喉,在每次呼吸的时候触到她的温度。

现在,我就想好好过好自己的生活,努力做好自己的工作,找回自我。因为我害怕万一那一天她回头了我还是无法给她依靠,还是会带给他伤心。或许,可能我们的缘分尽了,那我在遇到生命中的另一个她的时候,我会骄傲的抬起头。不在是以前那个懦弱的我,再见那个不成熟的我。

不管怎样我都不后悔我们相爱的这七年,感谢她在我一无所有时一直默默的陪伴。不管有没有我在她身边,都希望她能过得比我好。我们的过去,我没办法留住,只能用一生来回忆挽留在心中。

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